God and I spent a lot of time together this morning. I've reached a point of seeing a behavior change, which so often indicates I'm heading down the wrong direction. The key change being my patience level. When I feel like I'm losing control, I become less tolerant. And I mean EVERY area of my life: home, work, church. They are all getting away from me.
Home: my frustration and worry about Scamper's health. If you read my previous post, you'll get the details. The "drippies" have stopped, but not the full blown accidents on the floor. My prayer (which by the way I felt a little foolish about, considering the big scheme of things) was that we either find a way to give him good quality of life or that God would just take him, because I cannot make that decision.
Work: Again, read previous posts and you'll know what's going on here. I feel like I've worked it out financially, so I asked God if this is His will, or does it even matter, as long as I am obedient in my relationships with other people where ever I work and I am responsible with the resources it gives me. This is completely out of my hands now.
Church: Unofficially, I guess I've been running things for the media team for while. But a recent meeting pretty much made me the lead guy in the day-to-day doings. Since then, it seems like I just keep making bad decisions. I told a staff person that we would be more attentive to their needs, but now I'm overwhelmed by requests from them. I've got a team member who I'm trying to encourage growth out of, but can't get past insecurities of acceptance. I'm not communicating correctly with my church staff leader in charge of our team. And Sunday technical problems threaten to overwhelm me on a weekly basis. I prayed for wisdom and the skills that come with this spiritual gift of leadership, because I am still an infant in this arena.
It is good to be able to recognize the source of the problem, I think. I know exactly what it is. It is thinking that I had control in the first place. When truly, the problem is that I'm trying to wrestle control away from the One who really has it--and needs to keep it.